


Paramount

by starrylitme



Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Books, Complicated Relationships, Hospitalization, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-08
Updated: 2016-02-08
Packaged: 2018-05-19 03:47:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5952568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrylitme/pseuds/starrylitme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“The ending is paramount, Hinata-kun.”<br/>“But aren’t beginnings important too?”</p>
<p>(Post-SDR2 AU in which Komaeda and Hinata discuss books and good endings. Yes, it's a metaphor for something else. Is it life? It's definitely life. And death. Them being about to talk directly about their problems is probably an unrealistic expectation to have but Hinata can't help it.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Paramount

**Author's Note:**

> This was a prompt request on tumblr to have these two idiots talk about Komaeda's inevitably early death. And I felt bad about taking so long on it so I made it long...er...than the usual tumblr request. So I decided to cross-post it here.
> 
> It helped that I just finished a book like what Komaeda was describing for class. Is it the very same book? Haha, not likely.
> 
> Also mind the other references. I couldn't help them at all. I mean I could've but...ehhh. Hopefully with this I can get back into writing!! Yeeeeeeeeey.
> 
> (And dammit I completely forgot to work in a reference to Hinata's name and that was only the most obvious route to take. I REALLY need to get back into the habit of writing if I'm missing easy material like that.)

“Komaeda.” His greeting is more stiff than polite. The chill of the hospital room doesn’t help—nor the fact that Komaeda, rather than meeting his wary gaze with the soft smile he used to be used to, kept his eyes fixated on the window. On what, Hinata couldn’t be sure—it could have been everything outside as much as nothing at all.

“Hinata-kun.” Komaeda still didn’t turn to face him. “Don’t you have anything better to do?”

_Of **course** I do_ —but Hinata bit his tongue hard so he wouldn’t say it. Part of him wondered why even bother. Why _not_ be spiteful and matter-of-fact after all the bullshit Komaeda put him and everyone else through—but he held back all the same. It wouldn’t solve anything. Hell, he was near certain that retorting that way wouldn’t even be mildly satisfying. Komaeda would just find a way to infuriate him more—mock him, then, for bothering to come and waste his time on trash like him, but more likely not even responding at **_all_** —

His fists were clenched tight as he forced them to loosen, forced himself to take a deep breath to retain some semblance of calm.

“So...” He starts, dry and a pitiful kind of conversational, “How have you been lately? The...doctors won’t tell us anything but I guess you’re not in too bad of a condition considering you can have visitors. Sonia’s been thinking about bringing you books lately—so she asked me to figure out what’d you like...?”

Komaeda still doesn’t look at him, but responds all the same. “Murder mysteries.”

_Yeah._ Hinata’s frown deepened, teeth grinding. **_That_** _figures._

“But.” The surprising addition had him perk up. “Nothing with serial killers. I know that’s what Sonia-san’s interested in but I’d really rather she’d not share it. That said, do tell her to reconsider sending me something she hadn’t finished yet. I’d hate to be irritated with her when she’s trying to be considerate.”

_Huh._ “Is that all?”

“I like a lot of genres. Mysteries just happen to be my favorite. She can pick something else if it’s really an issue.” Then, with a tilt of his head, a slight slump of his shoulders, Komaeda’s voice dropped into a mumble. “As long as the ending’s not despairing, I’ll read about anything. Probably.”

“...Um...” Flustered, Hinata rubbed at the nape of his neck. “So you don’t...like sad endings, Komaeda?”

Finally, Komaeda looked at him. He would’ve flinched—but instead he found himself fixated on that soft, disappointed frown on the other’s face. On his lowered lashes and dulled gray gaze that reminded him of the swirling strokes of color seen on a painting.

It was unsettling just how lifeless this guy looked. At least in the simulation there was some spark of life in his bright gaze but here—next to nothing. Creepy. Creepier than before.

Hinata swallowed a hard lump, forcing a response. “Ri...ght... I’ll be sure to tell her, then. Later, I guess?”

Komaeda, rather than wave or even say ‘see you’ in return, turned back to the window, sighing. Hinata’s palms couldn’t be clammier as he stumbled on his way out, nape prickling.

* * *

 

Even now he’s not sure how to feel about Komaeda being awake after everything. After all the waiting, the worrying, the wary watching, wondering if—if every fragile thing they’ve mustered all their strength to build up would come crashing down the second Komaeda’s too thin, too pale eyelids fluttered open. Souda and Kuzuryuu outright wished he’d never wake up—Hinata, stomach rolling as Sonia got onto them both, would’ve been at least partially lying if he said he didn’t feel the same way. But maybe he just cared too much about closure or something. Or hell, maybe that part of him that was still Kamukura was looking forward to the certain interest that’d come from Komaeda waking—because he knew that once he did, _something_ would change.

Except. Komaeda did wake and that...wasn’t really the case at all. No screaming, not even the screechy laughter they expected—just blank stares and silence. Even when Hinata did shout his name, did rush over at him as he woke, Komaeda drearily met his gaze, and didn’t answer as he tried asking questions, stumbling over each attempt and blurring them altogether. Soon after, the doctors took Komaeda in. Wasn’t allowed visitors for a while—he might’ve been in critical condition, not that Hinata could be sure about that.

But that period ended, and Komaeda was still quiet and distant no matter who visited—if it wasn’t Hinata, it was usually Sonia, and if any of the others showed up, notably Owari or Souda, they were usually just there to keep watch on the guy as he was being visited, ready to step in if necessary but it never was. Komaeda was only slightly more responsive than a doll.

It should have been a relief. It wasn’t. It was almost bad enough to the point where he started missing the sharp-tongued abrasive Komaeda who had them running around the islands like panicked children for the so-called bombs. Because _as bad as that guy was_ —this despondent Komaeda’s silence was just...suffocating.

Hinata knew he was asking for too much in hoping he’d get answers or even some semblance of apologies when Komaeda awoke—but he did feel as though he should have at least gotten _something_. Something other than _silence_. And that **_stupid_** question of whether or not he had anything better to do than waste his time on a guy like _him_.

That chatter about books was the most he’d gotten in months, and it had come so easily. It should have annoyed him—especially in how it reminded him of those earliest days in the simulation, when Komaeda was the one he trusted the most and found so calming in a bizarre situation like that—how easy it was to talk back then. He still misses that more than he’s okay with—with the bitterest part of his heart.

Maybe that’s why he’s doing this. Carrying the bag full of books to Komaeda’s room in Sonia’s stead, having insisted that he go so she can do other things, like check up on Tanaka. It hadn’t been that hard, and Souda was quick to agree with him. Even Owari and Kuzuryuu were fine with that.

There was always this unspoken agreement that when it came to Komaeda, he was usually the one they’d look to. As though he were the guy’s keeper or minder or whatever. It always annoyed him.

But he was also keen to keeping that position rather than pile it onto someone else. If it came down to him or Sonia being the only two willing to keep a close eye on Komaeda... Hinata’s fine with it being him. He’d like to think of it as sparing Sonia such trouble, but...

He also knows there are more selfish motives behind it. Motives he still isn’t too eager about exploring.

He does this regardless, clearing his throat as he reaches Komaeda’s door. Pushing it open with his shoulder so that he didn’t drop the bag. Taking pained notice that Komaeda was looking wistfully at the window again. It really did look like a painting. Something meant to be hung up in a museum and observed from a distance rather than interacted with up close.

“...Komaeda.” He walked closer, shuffling both his feet and the books in the bag. “Sonia...couldn’t make this trip herself so uh...”

“Hmm?” The hum was dull. Komaeda didn’t bother looking at him. Hinata plopped the back onto the bed, books nearly spilling over but none falling off.

Wincing, Hinata’s gaze flickered between them and Komaeda. Komaeda was still so impassive.

“Here...you go?” Rubbing the nape of his neck and not sure of what else, he decided he might as well leave. What did he even _expect_ anyway—?

As he headed out the door, he did hear Komaeda call out a muted kind of ‘thank you’. He could have been wishfully imagining it, but with how hard his heart was pounding as he headed back, he really wondered.

* * *

 

Komaeda read through all those books over the course of a week, to everyone’s surprise, even Sonia. Hinata somewhat expected it—between the books, therapy, and staring out the window, Komaeda really didn’t have a lot to do. But considering just how many books there were and how thick they were... It was still something else.

Sonia was quick to find other books and even took them herself without telling Hinata. Hinata, as relieved as he was to walk in on just Sonia happily chatting with Komaeda—as near one-sided as said chatter was, with Komaeda nodding and gesturing wordlessly every now and then but lacking any significant energy—he was also a bit irritated as well.

“This one’s really good, Komaeda-san! The characters are just so alive! The language is beautiful!” Hinata couldn’t even read the title on the book she was shoving into Komaeda’s hands. “I think the ending is lovely, too.”

“Oh.” Komaeda flipped it over in his hands, staring hard at the summary on the back. He squinted, just a bit, and then pulled it close.

“If you have any trouble, you’ll let me know, right?” Sonia asked brightly. Komaeda doesn’t answer, but she goes on without missing a beat. “Komaeda-san! I insist you let me know!”

“If you must insist.” Komaeda averted his gaze. Like he was embarrassed or something. Unable to help himself, Hinata snorted. And he froze as Sonia’s blazing gaze flew over to him.

“Hinata-san! It’s rude as hell to eavesdrop!”

“S-Sorry, sorry.” He waved his hands pacifyingly. Sonia kept up her stern glare, but Komaeda’s own stare was blank. Maybe...curious? “I... I just wanted to check on you two. You didn’t tell me you’d go to Komaeda on your own, Sonia.”

“Oh, you’re right! Apologies, Hinata-san, but I may have gotten overzealous.” Sonia did look a bit embarrassed herself, fiddling with her fingers as she let out a laugh. “See, I didn’t have a lot of people who read through the same books that I did—that Komaeda-san got through them so quickly... I did want to make sure he didn’t just skim them... But! He seems to have indeed read them closely! I’m quite impressed!”

Despite the praise, Komaeda remained silent. Unmoved even though it was _Sonia-san_ complimenting him. At that, Hinata felt thoroughly unsettled.

“Oh look at the time,” Sonia spoke up suddenly and it was then he noticed she was also uneasy. “I should get going!” Turning quickly to Komaeda, smile a bit too wide and cheerfulness a bit too forced. “Komaeda-san, let’s talk again later. Okay?”

Komaeda just opened the book, fingerpad sliding down the page’s edge before flipping it over. Sonia swallowed, and stood up quickly, hurrying out with a last few regards.

Hinata remained, watching the other intently. Komaeda now seemed focused in reading—even though that could have been an act. He really wondered.

“Komaeda...” He paused, just for a moment, letting that name hang in the suffocating silence. “I...can’t even tell what language that book is in.”

“English.” Komaeda answers, at least, even though it’s without looking up. “But it is quite refined—very difficult to understand even if you’re fluent. It’s very much in Sonia-san’s tastes, I suppose.”

“...Oh...” Hinata tried to laugh. It just made the whole situation more awkward. “You think so?”

“It’s probably going to be very vulgar.” That had him still, mind sputtering out on any possible response he could have made at such a statement. Komaeda carried on indifferently, all the same. “I wonder how it’ll end...”

“Didn’t you just start it like, not even ten minutes ago?” He could ask that, at least.

Komaeda clicked his tongue. “The ending is paramount, Hinata-kun.”

_I wouldn’t know anything about that._ Would he though? _I’m not even much of a reader, but..._

“But aren’t beginnings important too?”

“Are they?” Komaeda asked cryptically. In annoyance, Hinata immediately nodded. He might have imagined it, but the edges of Komaeda’s lips twitched. “Hinata-kun, would you consider a story good if its beginning was explosive but the ending just fizzled out?”

“You mean if the ending was considerably less eventful or something?” He wasn’t given a clarification. But he still continued, shrugging. “I...I think maybe in some cases, that’d be a relief. It all depends.”

Komaeda inhaled and then, “...You truly are a dull person, Hinata Hajime.”

“At least I’m trying.” That snapped retort was on impulse. But he didn’t really regret it. “And hey, sometimes it’s _better_ that way. Wouldn’t the opposite be too _tiring_?”

“But that way’s a little boring, don’t you think?” It’s weird that Komaeda’s asking and that this conversation’s even still going. It’s preferable to awkward silence but— _but_...

“I guess...if you’re expecting something to happen and it doesn’t... It is a _bit_ of a letdown.” Hinata meets his gaze, sharply and intently. “Sometimes, when you’re hoping for closure and instead get a slow bunch of nothing—it’s _beyond_ disappointing.”

“You think so?” Komaeda stares back evenly. “I guess I can agree.”

_Then say something. Say **anything**._

“Hinata-kun...”

Komaeda’s voice was soft, the way he’s murmuring his name slow and steady. Hinata shouldn’t be holding his breath. But. _But_...

“Don’t you have better things to wait for?”

It should have pissed him off. He should have stormed out of there, maybe even yelled for good measure. But at that look on Komaeda’s face—at that sad little smile with a tilt of his head—it was like he completely fizzled out. Like all he really felt was exhaustion after everything.

“I...I don’t even know how to answer that...” he said quietly, painfully honestly, and he just let out a heavy, heavy sigh. “I’m... I’m going to get going, Komaeda... I’ll check on you later, okay?”

“You really don’t have to.” It hurt how much this Komaeda was like the Komaeda he _met_. All soft-spoken and apologetic—it hurt just how much he missed that after everything, and it was beyond painful how much he _wished_ that this Komaeda stayed a memory. Especially when Komaeda _does_ wave as he turns away, and he feels that sad, soft stare on his neck like a cold, cold burn.

* * *

 

He was right, of course. Hinata didn’t have to. Not really. Hell, it really was only out of formality that anyone aside from the doctors bothered with Komaeda. Like they’d feel bad about isolating the guy after everything—everything _they_ did being so much worse than everything he did in the simulation. But it’d still be easy. They _remembered_ everything he did.

But it still wouldn’t have felt right or even that fair. Whether or not any one of them cared—and a good portion of them didn’t really—was another thing entirely. Sonia cared, at least.

Hinata...probably cared. Why else would he go through all this trouble in interacting with Komaeda? Why else bother with a guy he was sure he’d **_never_** understand?

_Was he sure? Was he **really**?_

That didn’t matter.

**_Didn’t it?_ **

He was still going out of his way for Komaeda’s sake regardless. Komaeda’s—and maybe his own, too. Maybe just maybe he was desperate for at least something. Like answers. Or apologies. Or _something_. Because after everything, he can’t just accept that his time with Komaeda is just going to fizzle into a slow bunch of _nothing_. He can’t accept that. Not at all.

He still refuses to accept it, even when Komaeda does go into critical condition sometime after that last conversation. Something about seizures something about fierce reactions to something—he could barely get the doctors’ explanations as he stood there, numbly taking in the sight of his too thin not really former classmate, hooked up to all sorts of machinery with a breathing apparatus attached. Such a fragile looking thing—it looked more corpse than alive. Even more so than that corpse in the _simulation_ with eyes blown wide and blood coating his massacred limbs, stomach speared.

His chest clenched painfully tight.

He couldn’t accept it. Not at all. He refused. He fervently, desperately refused.

He could have cried with relief when he got the news that Komaeda had recovered from whatever that was. He did, when he was alone, and he didn’t think past that. He just steadied himself, and prepared for the moment he’d be allowed back into Komaeda’s room.

* * *

In that moment, Komaeda was reading. He was already at the ending of that book Sonia gave him. Hinata almost found that amusing.

“Couldn’t finish it, huh?”

“Hard to read when everything hurts,” Komaeda replied without batting an eyelash. “I thought about it, though. I...still remembered what I managed to get through. That’s good luck. I guess.”

_You guess?_ Hinata came closer, scratching at the side of his neck, feeling his pulse flutter under his fingertips. “Was what you got through so far any good?”

“Mm.” Komaeda flipped to the last page, reading with a look of intense concentration. Hinata waited as he did, up until the moment he flinched when Komaeda slammed the book shut. “It certainly was...interesting. I think I can understand why Sonia-san liked it.”

“She’ll be happy to hear that.” Hinata laughed, just a bit, a little roughly. “So what exactly happened?”

“The last section...even though it’s about the future, there were several passages about the past. The last couple of paragraphs _were_ the future and then—well, it was back to the present, I suppose. I found that interesting.” Tracing the lettering on the cover, Komaeda looked down, contemplating something. “Time itself is such a fascinating thing. Fleeting yet significant, regardless of how little there is. I wondered if after everything... Would I die in a time devoid of both hope and despair? Would my end really be so dull?”

“That...” Hinata swallowed a hard lump down his throat. His hands were trembling, palms clammy as he dug them into his pants. “Isn’t it too _early_ to think about stuff like that?”

“Early?” Komaeda echoed, actually taken aback and then staring back at his desperate, unnerved stare with wide, wide eyes. “Hinata-kun, do you really think I’ll be alive for that much _longer_?”

“I-I...” He stammered, shrugging helplessly. “I-I mean... I don’t...? Why are you even _asking_ me that...?”

“Oh, Hinata-kun...” That wide-eyed stare faltered, Komaeda sighing mournfully. “Even when face-to-face with the obvious, you won’t meet its gaze. Hadn’t I told you before about how unwell I was? Had I dreamed that?”

“I...I thought you were lying about that...” But hadn’t it been obvious that he didn’t lie with the state he’d been all this time? With how the doctors fussed over keeping him alive? It had been obvious and he knew it. And yet. “You...haven’t even been awake for that long, Komaeda...”

“And it won’t be much longer.” Komaeda said, matter-of-fact. “Hinata-kun, at the rate I’m going, estimating that I have over a year left would be generous. I’ll die, likely unable to properly stand, talk, or even think. As though I were just a husk in the shape of a human and after everything, that ending seems so pitifully dull, doesn’t it?”

“Don’t think that way.” Hinata told him, stiff and on edge. “You don’t know for sure. You can’t just accept that without knowing for _sure_ —”

_I can’t accept it—I can’t—I **refuse** —_

“You don’t find that possibility a relief, Hinata-kun?” he asked, and there was an edge there that cut deep that hurt. “Here I thought you’d be eager to...”

Hinata cut him off, blunt and cold. “You don’t know anything about me.”

Komaeda wasn’t even the slightest bit deterred. “And you don’t know anything at all, Hinata-kun. Not about me or yourself _or_ anything else. You sicken me.”

“ _Hah_!” He choked out a pained, vindicated laugh. “At least I’m _trying_. At least I **_want_** to understand, as stupidly infuriating as it all is.”

Komaeda stared back, unblinking. Hinata shut his eyes tight, feeling them sting, and cursing as he pressed his palms into them to keep those damning tears at bay. Komaeda didn’t make a sound as he sucked in a shuddering breath.

“Please say something.” His whisper was almost choked. He almost didn’t hear himself say it. “Please, _please_ just give me _something_ after everything that’s happened. You... Don’t you regret anything at all? Are you even a little bit sorry?”

“I’m sorry...” Komaeda spoke slowly, almost as though he were treading around broken glass. “I’m sorry for being a bother, I suppose.”

Hinata snorted, cracking with that painful, painful laugher as he curled in on himself.

“Y-Yeah... Yeah. Figures.” His breath hitching, he rubbed all the more furiously at his eyes. “That fucking _figures_.”

His face still felt hot, disgustingly flushed. But maybe that’d be tolerable if he wasn’t crying in front of fucking _Komaeda_ of all people. It’s not like he could help it—if it even changed anything. He wasn’t even sure if it made the whole thing worse but, like, what did he even care if _Komaeda_ thought lesser of him—

It didn’t matter. It really, really didn’t.

**_Didn’t it?_ **

Dammit.

“I won’t be alive for that much longer to bother you.” Komaeda says it like it’ll make things better and it doesn’t. It makes them so much worse that Hinata feels sick enough to hurl. “I mean, once people are dead, they’re gone. There’s no point in worrying about...”

“Shut up.” He snarled, and Komaeda did as he repeated, fiercer, angrier. “Just _shut_ up.”

Hinata didn’t realize what a mistake that was until he met Komaeda’s blank stare. That doll like, far too _quiet_ stare. And again he was left at a loss of what to do. He certainly didn’t want to apologize or even take it back. He was still too stung to consider it.

How childish. But he couldn’t be bothered to _care_ after everything. But... _in the very least_...

“...You know, Komaeda...” he started, smile twitching at his lips. “We... We have a lot to talk about...and a lot...to figure out...”

Komaeda tilted his head to the side, empty expression otherwise unchanged. Taking a deep breath, he placed his hand on the book in his lap, staring hard at the cover and at that thin, pale hand with long, elegant fingers. Lying limply and innocently at Komaeda’s side was his bandaged nub of a wrist. All this time and Komaeda still didn’t leave the scars there exposed.

He wondered if that, all this time, was a sign of shame.

Nudging his fingers closer, just barely shy of brushing them against the other’s, Hinata met that gaze warily but as firmly as he could muster. Komaeda finally blinked back and asked, almost in annoyance, “Don’t you have anything better to do, Hinata-kun?”

Hinata scowled and, for once speaking with absolute certainty, answered. “There’s nothing I can think of that’s more important for the both of us.”

“Huh.” Komaeda raised a brow and then, oh so lightly, giggled as his shoulders hunched.  Those fingers twitched close enough that Hinata felt the chill in the other’s skin. On impulse, Hinata grabbed that hand to warm it in his own. Komaeda’s smile quirked in amusement, but he quickly shrugged. “You know, Hinata-kun. Maybe you were right. About uneventful endings, even if spent with uneventful people. Maybe there is some relief in that.”

Smiling wide enough to hurt, Hinata tightened his grip on that one working hand to the point he could’ve crushed it.


End file.
